


Where Wolves And Dogs Fear No Tread

by Ashildr_Dorchadon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dumb!James, M/M, Sex mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashildr_Dorchadon/pseuds/Ashildr_Dorchadon
Summary: Follow on to https://www.fanfiction.net/s/847074/1/The-Tongue-Is-An-Excellent-Aid-In-CPR by Doctor Strangelove
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Where Wolves And Dogs Fear No Tread

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Tongue is an Excellent Aid in CPR](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/549196) by Doctor Strangelove. 



> Follow on to https://www.fanfiction.net/s/847074/1/The-Tongue-Is-An-Excellent-Aid-In-CPR by Doctor Strangelove

Sirius black was getting better at snogging, in the esteemed opinion of one Remus John Lupin. 

Pity that they were interrupted from one especially good session on the common room table when James shouted "WHAT THE HELL!" in capslock mode. Remus looked up, rolled his eyes, broke off in mid-moan and pushed Sirius off; they both untangled their limbs and hair and stood up, Sirius looking sheepish.

"James!" Remus' **study-partner** exclaimed, blushing from his face down to his toes. He shivered slightly and Remus put a warm arm against the cool skin of his shoulders.

"James, this isn't what it looks like." Remus said calmly, dragging his fingers through his hair and sorting it out again.

"Right!" Sirius shouted, a little loudly to be honest. He carried on at almost, but not quite, the same volume: "You see, Remus and I were studying! And he was.....he was....."

"Choking! I was choking!" Remus, though naked, had now put his hair back into order and leaned against Sirius, putting his hair on the taller boy's shoulder.

"Yes! He was choking on, a, uh…."

"Chocolate Frog?" Remus supplied

"Right! And I was trying to dislodge it from his throat." said Sirius, 

"Using. Your tongue?" James asked, as if skeptical.

"Yes, my tongue, James." in the tones of one speaking to a simpleton or a very small child, the black sheep of the Blacks clarified the situation to James "Did you know that the tongue happens to be an excellent aid in performing CPR? No, of course you wouldn't – because you never pay attention in class. You're far too busy passing notes to Lily. How would you feel if Lily started choking, James? You'd be like, 'Oh no! Lily's choking! Maybe I should stick my tongue down her throat! No, that would be weird and it could put us in a very compromising situation!' And you would just sit there while she choked to death!"

"But. But-but-but, I-I don't want Lily to diiieeeee."

"It's too late. She's dead, James. You killed her." Sirius smiled cruelly and tossed a lock of his hair behind his head.

"…I didn't mean to."

"Then maybe you should believe me when I tell you about using your tongue when someone's choking. It's very effective." he concluded smugly.

"Very." Remus echoed with a smile on his face.

"Oh, wow." James said "I'm so glad you guys opened my eyes to this. It really scared me when I thought Lily might choke to death!"

"I bet it did. Well, having a near-death experience really tuckers me out. I think I'm going to head on to bed." Remus turned and started to walk up the stairs when he stopped and turned back, "Coming Sirius?"

"Oh, right! Coming. G'night James!" and Sirius hurried up the stairs with Remus.

In the dorm room, Remus gently pushed Sirius onto his bed, the one furthest from the one James had. He climbed on top of him and with frequent kisses, closed the curtains around the bed. Reaching under the pillow whilst still snogging Sirius, he drew his wand out; he sat up again, still on top of Sirius and cast muffliato around the bed to hide the sounds. 

"Right. Time to get down to serious business, Mr.Black." Remus said loudly, testing the spell just in case.

"I concurr, Mr Lupin."

******************************************************************************************

The pair were always snogging somewhere and now James had started to find them in places. Frequent curses were said for Lucius and Narcissa who were always making out in the room of requirement. One of them must have hit since the week of that first incident, Lucius broke out in boils and had to stay in the hospital ward whilst madame Pomfrey used various potions on it. As such, the whole of the next week went by without further discovery until Lucius recovered and could resume his snogfest.

******************************************************************************************

The next time James walked in on Remus and Sirius, it was after lunch on a Tuesday and they were "studying" in an empty classroom.

Oh, it felt so good for Remus to let go and just allow himself to be kissed and mauled by his lover. And during the day, there was no risk of werewolfing out. James was at lunch, the teachers were in the staffroom, Sirius loved him and he could just let go of himself. Ah, the bliss of those ten uninterrupted minutes.

"GUYS." James said in capslock mode, recoiling almost from the sight of his one friend wrapped around another. "Remus, a-are you choking again?"

The two leapt apart as soon as James opened the door and saw them. Sirius flashed a nervous smile, blushing red before covering for them both with the 'Remus was choking' lie.

"Yeah, James. Thanks, by the way, Sirius. I really need to be careful with my chocolate frogs."

"Yeah, yeah you do."

"Oh. Okay. What were you guys doing here before the...?" James waved his arm as if indicating the process of eating a chocolate frog, choking on it and needing a snog in order to not die. "....the thing"

"Er. Studying." Remus replied, smoothing his hair down and straightening his shirt and tie. He hoped his boner wasn't too obvious because it really felt like it. 

"For Minnie's Transfiguration test this afternoon." Sirius added

"Shit!" James facepalmed and looked about to capslock again but just about restrained himself. "Quick, help me study too!" And with that he plonked himself on a chair and ripped out his transfiguration textbook. Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius, hoped his boner would go away and sat down next to James.

******************************************************************************************

This became a regular occurrence: Sirius and Remus making out somewhere, James coming in, them stopping and "explaining" that Remus was choking on a chocolate frog again. James really didn't seem to be getting suspicious.

One night, after having shagged in bed, Sirius raised the point of just making out in increasingly unlikely locations where James would be likely to see them, just to mess with him. Remus laughed softly and kissed his love. "Sure, why not?"

******************************************************************************************

"Guys, why are you studying in the corridor?"

"Sirius, Remus! Hey! Why are you studying alone in Snape's room?"

(After Slughorn was called out of class for a minute) "Why are you studying in class??? We go to class so we can stop studying for a minute!"

"Why are you two studying in Filch's cupboard?" At this point, it seems Lily was told of this strange behaviour as she had a talk with Remus about making out all the time and that it could hardly be healthy for either of them. Remus did not agree, because he did get a lot of study done -- after James had found them. 

"Seriously --- don't joke Sirius --- studying naked in Minnie's classroom?"

"WHY ARE YOU TWO STUDYING naked IN AN UNLOCKED CUPBOARD ON THE CORRIDOR RIGHT OUTSIDE THE GREAT HALL?" 

One time, James just walked in on them, turned around and walked out silently.

******************************************************************************************

Of course, as all good things do, this culminated in a "study" session whilst naked in James' bed with the curtains drawn and lots of moaning. There was a condom left on the floor and sex toys had been ordered specially by owl for this makeout session to be strewn about the bed. After Lily caught wind of this, she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose at them, then said that if they were to do it, it ought to be done well. Some of the more adventurous toys were her ideas, including the vibrators, chains and whips. At this point, they had no fear of being caught and indeed relished it greatly. Remus secretly thought the wait made the sex all the better.

"Guys. Just —— GUYS!" James capslocked at them, Remus underneath and Sirius on top. Remus moaned as he ejaculated into Sirius's naked ass. "WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME IS GOING ON??"

"Remus was –"

"Chocolate???"

"Yeah." Sirius nodded before making a move to go back to sex.

James grabbed Sirius by his long shaggy mane and pulled him off Remus, causing the werewolf's seed to drip all over the floor. "Study and chocolate most certainly doesn't involve– involve....it doesn't...."

"Doesn't include sex?" Remus supplied

"Yeah." James didn't let go of Sirius's hair "Are, are you two boyfriends?"

"We are boyfriends, James." Sirius confirmed.

"But why all of this, then?"

"Oh, that was just us having fun." Sirius said, trying to get our of James's iron grip. James let go and Sirius slipped on his S.O.'s juices and crashed to the floor, sending cum and sex toys flying everywhere.


End file.
